Calls for Christmas
by MyEdward797
Summary: Bella and Edward are a divorced couple. Tentative friends, they call each other every year on Christmas Eve and reminisce about the days when they were in love. Will they ever realize that they can’t live without each other? A Christmas Short Story
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Edited as of December 23rd, 2010. Also, I'm pleased to announce that London'Baby offered to translate this story into German. Needless to say, I'm ridiculously flattered and I gave her permission. Thanks, London'Baby!

* * *

_**Oh, I know I could say we're through  
And tell myself I'm over you  
But even if I made a vow  
A promise not to miss you now  
And try to hide the truth inside  
I'd fail cause I, I just can't live a lie**_

_**-Carrie Underwood,  
I Just Can't Live a Lie**_

**Calls for Christmas**

**Chapter One**

I hummed quietly to myself as I shuffled around the kitchen, pulling cookie ingredients from various nooks and crannies. I smiled a little when I discovered the chocolate chips hidden away in the far corner of one shelf, where I stashed them to avoid nibbling. I lined up the flour, butter, and other supplies on the counter by the stove and started measuring out the flour, still humming tunelessly.

Within minutes, my grand cookie-making expertise resulted in a very interesting pond of goo at the bottom of the mixer. I reached into the bowl and pulled it back with one finger drenched in slob. Tentatively, I stuck it in my mouth, before spitting it into the sink with a grimace. I was pretty sure that none of my Christmas guests would enjoy tasting whatever concoction I had managed to whip up. I sighed. Slice n' Bakes it was, then. I could practically hear Edward's quiet chuckle, laughing at my fatal attempts at baking.

Thinking of him made me look at the clock for what was the seventh time in the last ten minutes. It was almost eight. Any minute now, the phone would ring and I would hear his angelic voice at the other end of the line.

_Oh, stop it Bella_, I told myself as I rummaged through the refrigerator for the Slice n' Bakes. The divorce had been finalized three years ago. I was a grown woman who shouldn't still be fantasizing about the man she thought she'd loved a long time ago.

I pulled back and found my fingers digging into the soft, premade cookie dough. I grimaced. Only _I_ would find a way to destroy something as simple as Slice n' Bakes. I pressed me hand to my forehead and squeezed my eyes shut, forcing the memories of Edward out of my mind. I preoccupied myself by digging through cabinets to find the cookie sheets. Amidst my search I discovered a misplaced serving bowl and an old box of chocolate powder for making hot cocoa. I didn't bother checking for an expiration date as I hastily threw that out.

I was never such a mess when I had Edward. I was the neat, orderly, OCD one and he gave me grief for it. Everything, down to the last knife or glass, had its proper place. These days, I couldn't bring myself to care if the utensils ended up in three different drawers, or if the pepper led me on a futile expedition through the kitchen before I remembered it was in the living room. I didn't care much for the little things anymore. I couldn't name exactly what I was looking for, but I felt as though something vital was missing from my life.

I was finally sliding the cookies into the oven when the phone rang. Without another thought towards this new attempt at baking, which was probably predestined to fail anyway, I slammed the oven door and leapt for the phone, which I had placed expectantly on the counter by the sink. I had it in my hand in an instant, but I paused before picking up. Better not to seem too anxious. It wouldn't do anything for his ego if he thought I was actually _excited_ to talk to him. Which I wasn't—but it was nice not to be so alone, especially on Christmas Eve.

Two rings later and I was growing impatient. I answered the phone with a breathless, "Hello?"

Edward chuckled. "Well, hello there. Why do you sound like you just ran a marathon?" My heart _was _thumping about a mile a second. I blushed, knowing he would be able to hear in my overenthusiastic voice that I was happy he had called.

"I'm making cookies," I said. And, of course, my voice betrayed me.

He chuckled gently. "And this somehow constituted moving at a pace that isn't Bella-friendly?"

Damn him. Of course he would remember my clumsiness. But I was too elated by the sound of his perfect voice to be angry with his teasing. I counted on these yearly telephone conversations—these Christmas calls. They comforted me. They told me that he was all right, wherever he was, but more importantly, that he hadn't forgotten me—hadn't forgotten _us_. I knew it shouldn't matter, that we had both moved on three years ago, but somehow it _did, _in a way that I could never, truly explain.

"Earth to Bella," Edward said affectionately, and I realized I had let myself drift. _No_. I had to concentrate. Who knew how much longer I had with him?

"Oh," I sighed. "Sorry."

"So how are the cookies coming along?" Edward asked. No doubt he was surmising something about my horrid baking. I knew I should be irked by the amused tone in his voice, but I was't.

I grimaced. "Which ones? There's the burnt batch in the garbage, the batch that never made it to the cookie trays, and then there's the Slice n' Bakes in the oven."

Edward laughed. "Some things never change," he sighed—almost wistfully, I thought, or maybe I was just imagining things.

"I wouldn't be talking," I shot back. "I seem to recall some cookies that _you_ ruined, Mister I Can Do Everything Perfectly." Which, admittedly, I'd been convinced was true up until a certain incident that occurred when we were juniors in college.

"Hmm," he said thoughtfully. "I've no idea what you're talking about. Must have slipped my mind."

"Selective memory," I retorted.

"Mmm, perhaps." He sounded highly amused. I could practically hear him smirking, that tender light in his eyes as he teased me. My heart ached to see his face. We hadn't laid eyes on each other in years.

"Well," I said, before the now-familiar pain could take me. "_I_ remember it. And don't try to deny it, because I know you do too."

"I can get nothing past you," he sighed in mock despair. "But if I do recall correctly, _you_ were the one who started it."

"Was not." I scoffed.

He laughed. "Oh, yes you were!"

_**-Flashback-**_

"_Do you remember the _last_ time you made cookies, Bella?" Edward sighed, watching me whiz around the huge kitchen in our new apartment. I was still angry at Edward for spending so much money, but the truth was that I had fallen in love with it. We'd just moved in the day before and I was elated. We had to do something to celebrate._

"_Nope," I replied cheerfully. I tripped over a chair leg on my way past him, but he caught me around the waist before I could fall. He righted me carefully._

"_And the fire department showed up at the door," he hinted. I blushed. That was a painful experience that I had successfully tucked away into the farthest reaches of my memory. It involved some burnt cookies, a fire alarm, and a very angry woman next door._

"_That's why you're with me this time," I told Edward confidently. "With you around, there's no way I can mess this up." _

_Edward wrapped his arms more securely around my waist and pulled me to him. He kissed the top of my head and chuckled. "If you say so."_

"_I do," I sighed, nuzzling into his chest. We stayed that way for a moment, and then I laughed. "I'm not helping your ego at all, am I?"_

"_Nope." He grinned crookedly and my heart sped up. Damn my unruly emotions. After he had thoroughly enjoyed watching me swoon, he asked, "So, are we making these cookies or not?"_

"_Oh!" I had completely forgotten. "Yeah, I guess we are." _

_I blushed and wriggled out of his arms, gathering the ingredients and plopping them on the table. I grabbed the sugar and flour and started measuring out what I hoped were the right amounts. I could feel Edward's eyes on me, and after a moment his hands gently curled around mine, bringing a halt to my movements._

"_Bella, what are you doing?" he asked. _

"_Making cookies," I said, slightly vexed at the knowing tone in his voice._

"_You're not doing it correctly," he informed me. "Mix the sugar, the butter and the eggs first. Add the flour later." _

_I stared up at him in disbelief. "Since when do you know how to bake?"_

_He shrugged sheepishly. "I might have asked Alice to teach me, after your little incident." The corners of his mouth twitched, trying, I was sure, to avoid offending me. I was not amused._

"_Well, then," I huffed. "You do it, if you're so smart." I dumped the cup of flour unceremoniously into his arms. He couldn't catch it in time and it tumbled onto his shirt, staining the fabric with the white powder. I stared for a moment, not quite sure if I was still too mad to find it funny. I decided that it would do him good to suffer a bit, especially after openly admitting that he had asked his _sister_ to teach him how to bake because I couldn't._

_Edward didn't follow me as I stomped into the living room and plopped onto the couch—also brand new. I was still unsure as to why moving into a new apartment meant that we had to buy new furniture, but that was the Cullen family for you. Especially Alice, Edward's sister. She had way too much time and money on her hands, and spent a lot of it decorating for us._

_I relaxed into the soft cushions, closing my eyes and listening to the sounds coming from the kitchen as Edward worked. After a little while the noises stopped, and it was quiet. I didn't hear Edward come up behind me, but suddenly I felt something gritty being poured over my head. I jumped up in surprise and watched as the flour cascaded off my hair and down my front. I whirled on Edward._

_His eyes were sparkling with amusement, but his voice was solemn when he spoke. "Have I ever told you that you're adorable when you're angry?" He smiled crookedly and I melted. It was too much work staying mad at him for any length of time._

_I circled the couch until I was standing in front of him. Deliberately, I reached down and scraped the flour from my shirt, never letting go of his gaze. Then I lifted my finger and drew it over his face, leaving a trail of flour across his cheek. I smirked widely._

_Edward frowned. "You didn't."_

_I giggled. He tried to grab me but I evaded him, running into the kitchen where the bag of flour had been left open on the table. I reached in and grabbed a fistful. Edward had followed right behind me, so I turned and flung it at him. He was closer than I thought, and the flour hit him right in the face. I snickered. He blinked. Then he slowly reached into the bag and pulled out his own handful. He played with it for a moment, tossing it back and forth in his hands._

"_Are you sure you want to start this?" he asked with a smirk. In response, I shamelessly threw a second handful into his face._

_Edward shrugged. "If you insist." He made as if to throw the flour at me but I ducked out of the way. Nothing hit me, and I felt a twinge of smug satisfaction that I'd been able to dodge his assault. I looked up and realized why. Instead of throwing the flour at me, he'd taken advantage of the flour bag left unguarded on the table. He took it in his hands and prepared to fling at me._

"_You wouldn't." I glared. He raised an eyebrow—_

—_and swung the bag in my direction._

_I shrieked and fled the kitchen, but not before a mass of the white powder slammed into my head. Laughing, Edward pursued me into the living room._

"_No!" I cried between giggles as he caught me around the waist and flung us both onto the couch. All the while, his arms remained constricted tightly around me. He started tickling me and my giggles escalated._

"_Stop!" I pleaded in the brief seconds that I could find my breath. I tried to grab his hands and push him away, but he would have none of that. He seized both my hands in one of his and kept them restrained as he continued to tickle me. I shrieked with laughter and resumed my pleas._

"_What was that?" he murmured breathlessly in my ear. _

"_Stop it!" I gasped._

"_Hmm? Speak up, Bella." His voice was low and husky._

_Oh, he was going to be the death of me. My heart thumped wildly, a separate desire wringing the organ. But my belly screamed as he tortured me, and I continued flailing and giggling, with my hands caught in his. It was no use. He was so much stronger than me. I stopped struggling_

_Sensing victory, Edward loosened his grip and fell back onto the cushions, dragging me with him and completely ignoring our flour covered bodies. I fell onto his chest, gasping. Before I could regain my breath to scold him, he pulled my mouth to his and kissed me tenderly. His method of apology melted all my anger and I sighed into his mouth. I could taste the pasty flour on his lips, and licked it slowly off with my tongue. He sighed longingly and released me. There was a crooked smile on his face. He was hoping for forgiveness. _

_I rolled my eyes. As if I could ever deny him anything. "Love you." I smiled drowsily and cuddled into his chest._

_He kissed the top of my head. "Love you too." No other words were needed. We lay in a state of bliss for several minutes, quiet moments that would appear silent to anyone but the two of us. For he and I, the air was charged and every minute gesture meant everything; the way he stroked my hair lovingly, or how I explored his perfect face with my fingers._

_And then I smelled something burning. I sat up and stared at Edward in alarm. "How long were those cookies supposed to be in?" I asked. His eyes widened and he lifted himself into a sitting position beside me._

"_Shit," he muttered. He dragged me with him to the kitchen, where the burning smell was strongest. He yanked the oven opened to reveal two trays of perfectly black cookies. I grimaced and covered my nose dramatically. He shot me an exasperated look and lifted the cookie trays from their slots. I inspected the oven and realized that the timer had never been turned on._

_I snickered. "You forgot to time them," I told him smugly. _

_He glanced at me and rolled his eyes. "Yes, but you would have forgotten to time them, _and_ add the butter." _

_I shrugged, unperturbed. "You still forgot to time them." I smirked._

_With a sigh, Edward pulled me into his arms. "You started it," he said after a moment._

"_Did not!" I protested._

"_Did to." And he kissed me. _

_**-End Flashback-**_

I laughed at those bittersweet memories, and my heart pulsed a little, achingly. "Ok," I admitted. "Maybe I did start it. You _still_ forgot to turn on that timer."

"And what was that?" Edward asked with a chuckle. "One mistake in oh, I don't know, _seven years_ of knowing me?"

"There were other times!"

Name one," he challenged me.

I thought for a minute, but it was impossible. He was perfect…perfect and wonderful and loving and—_stop it Bella,_ I scolded myself. I was being bad; very, _very_ bad. I couldn't let myself think of Edward in this way. We lived two separate lives now, after agreeing that we just weren't right for each other. He had his job and I had mine. He lived on one side of the United States, and I lived on the other. My mind understood that. So why couldn't I get my heart to understand it too?

"Ok, I give up," I admitted.

"Of course you do."

I rolled my eyes. "Don't you have something better to do than annoy little old me? A girlfriend to visit or a party to attend or something?" I winced at the words. They hurt far more than was allowable.

"Don't _you_?" he countered, but I knew his voice so well, even after all these years. I caught the hesitation as he spoke.

"No. Now what are you _supposed_ to be doing that you're not telling me about?" I wanted to be wrong, but I knew I wasn't. He was keeping something from me on purpose. I braced myself for the worst.

"You caught me." Edward paused, and I waited impatiently. I wondered if he could hear it crackling across the lines. He began hesitantly. "I've been seeing this girl, Tanya, for a couple weeks. She invited me to her place tonight, and I was going to head over after I talked to you."

"Oh."

Brilliant, Bella. But this new source of pain made my embarrassment over the monosyllabic response inconsequential.

I said nothing else for a long moment, waiting until I could speak without my voice cracking. I wished he would just hang up, so that I could break down on my own. I wanted to curl up on the couch and have a good long cry. I knew it would do nothing to ease the pain, but I didn't think I could stand faking cheerfulness when my heart was falling apart. Besides, Edward wouldn't be fooled by any façade on my part.

"Bella?" he checked quietly. He sounded apologetic, like he knew how much this was hurting me. Even though it _shouldn't_ be hurting me. I gave him up three years ago. It wasn't fair to either of us that I was still clinging. I knew just how well his self-inflicted guilt ate him up, and if he knew how much pain I was in, he'd think he was to blame.

And I couldn't have that. I couldn't let my pain become his pain. So I decided to be strong. It was the only thing I could do for him now.

My voice was croaky when I tried to speak, and I had to clear my throat. "That's nice," I managed. "Look, don't let me keep you. I'm sure she's waiting." _Please hang up, please hang up, please hang up_.

Edward laughed nervously. "Don't worry about it. I told her I wouldn't get there until later. I figured you wouldn't be doing anything, and I couldn't just let you be by yourself all Christmas Eve."

I should have known. He had seen right through all my false assurances. He knew exactly how anguished I was, and he was trying to make an impossible situation all better. Edward, fixing every problem. Except that there was no solution to this problem, and he didn't know what to do.

My throat closed up and my heart clenched painfully. He was so sweet, giving up his evening for me. It was probably just out of pity, but I couldn't help but feel warmed that he had remembered to think of me. I wondered how long that would last. When would the Christmas come that I wouldn't hear his silky voice, reminding me of a love long past, a love that had been true, but had slipped from our grasp with no explanation? When would the Christmas come that he wouldn't remember anymore?

And suddenly, I knew what I had to do. I had to let _him_ go. I had to give _him_ the excuse.

"Look, Edward," I said, forcing out every word. "I really have to go. Don't want to burn those cookies, right?" I chuckled tonelessly. He didn't seem amused by my weak joke.

"Bella—" He tried to stop me but I slammed the phone back onto the wall and he was gone. I stared at the phone for a long time. I felt empty, numb, but I could feel the agony, the grief, slowly rising up my stomach to my torso. I could feel the tears right behind my eyelids. Any moment now, the sorrow would explode into the familiar, unquenchable pain.

I ran into the living room just before it hit. I flung myself onto the couch and broke into a fit of aching, racking sobs.

I fell asleep like that hours later, curled into a fetal position on the couch, my face stained with tears.

I had forgotten all about the cookies.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Edited as of December 24, 2010.

Merry Christmas!

_**

* * *

**_

_**Oh, I know I could say we're through  
And tell myself I'm over you  
But even if I made a vow  
And promise not to miss you now  
And try to hide the truth inside  
I'd fail cause I, I just can't live a lie**_

_**-Carrie Underwood,  
I Just Can't Live a Lie**_

**Calls for Christmas**

**Chapter Two**

**One Year Later/Christmas Eve**

Charlotte and the twins bounced wildly around the cluster of presents at the base of Alice's Christmas tree. Like every year, my friend had outdone herself in the decorations department, and it looked as if Charlotte had taken after her mother's sense of style. Apparently, the nine year old had arranged the indoor Christmas display all on her own, a point she had stressed when she led me on a grand tour of the living room, with its various streams of garland and lights.

I was touched that Alice had invited me to celebrate Christmas at her house this year. Despite her insistence that I might as well be her sister, I still felt like an intruder as I watched her, Jasper, her husband, Alice's brother Emmett, his wife, Rosalie, and the kids interact with each other. I was the outcast, curled up alone in a rocking chair in the corner. It didn't help knowing that Edward could have been here as well, but according to Alice, he hadn't shown up for Christmas since the divorce.

"Can't I open just_ one_, Mommy?" Charlotte pleaded when her mother entered the living room with a tray of hot cocoa. Alice shot me an exasperated look as she handed me a mug of chocolate. I smirked. Charlotte had been pestering her mother about presents for the last hour.

"I told you Charlotte, you have to wait for Christmas." Alice ruffled her daughter's hair as she crossed the room to where Rosalie and Emmett were cuddled up together on the loveseat. She gave them their cocoa and went to sit with Jasper on the couch. She pecked him on the lips and snuggled into his chest, ignoring the titters from her daughter and nephews. I sighed and looked down into my hot chocolate. Usually their displays of affection didn't bother me, but Christmas Eve held particularly painful memories and my heart throbbed as I watched the two couples.

"But why?" Giving up on Alice, Charlotte turned to her father, clambering up on his knee and sending him her best 'puppy dog' look. It was an exact replica of her mother's, and she knew Jasper couldn't resist it. I smirked when I saw him glance frantically between his wife and daughter, trying to decide who he'd rather please.

Alice slapped his chest. "Don't you _dare_," she warned.

Evidently, Dave was more afraid of Alice than Charlotte, because he set his daughter on his lap and smiled apologetically at her.

"Sorry, Angel. Mommy's orders."

Charlotte pouted for a moment, but her bad mood evaporated as Alex and James, the twins, bounded up and demanded her attention. I sighed wistfully, wishing my own problems could be solved as easily.

I wondered if Edward would call tonight. The question had haunted me for weeks. My farewell the year before had been…_less_ than encouraging, and I refused to allow myself to hope that Edward would look past it. I yearned for the sound of his voice, but at the same time I was desperately afraid of hearing the dreaded news…_Tanya and I live together now…Tanya and I are engaged… _I squeezed my eyes shut to stop the onslaught of emotions that threatened to drown me.

"Whatsa matter Bella?"

I cracked my eyes open and glanced down into little Alex's face. He was staring up at me curiously. He looked exactly like his father, Emmett, with curly, dark brown hair and big brown eyes. I forced a smile for his sake, grateful that his four-year-old mind couldn't see through my pretenses.

"Nothing's the matter, sweetie," I promised. "Why don't you go play with Charlotte and James, ok?" I suppose I didn't lie as convincingly as I could have, or Alex was much more perceptive than I'd given him credit for, because he studied me for a long moment. I patted his hand reassuringly and was relieved when he finally scampered off to join his brother and cousin.

When I looked up, Rosalie and Alice were watching me curiously. I sighed. Their questions were inevitable. Neither was aware that Edward and I were still in contact with each other. In fact, I had told them specifically that we _weren't_, and they would assume all the wrong things if I told them otherwise now. Worse still, they might take it into their heads that it was somehow their problem to fix. But this was something I had to figure out on my own.

Moments later, a shrill ringing interrupted the peaceful hum of our Christmas Eve. I jumped, before realized with alarm that it was my cell phone, buzzing from the coffee table in front of Alice. There was only one person who could be calling me at this time on Christmas Eve, and I dreaded Alice or anyone else in the room knowing who that was.

I lunged for the phone, but Alice beat me to it. She looked at the caller id and her eyes widened. I winced, knowing it probably didn't help that I had him on my contacts list.

"You can talk in the kitchen." Alice gave me the phone with an indecipherable expression.

"Ok," I croaked and hastily left the room, ignoring Rosalie's curious gaze. I was grateful that the kitchen was closed off from the rest of the house, so my voice wouldn't carry for the backstabbing eavesdroppers to hear. Thank Charlotte's toddler years and her love of food.

I flipped the phone open once I was safely in the kitchen with the door shut. I took a deep breath and put it to my ear.

"Hi," I said in a small voice.

"I called your house."

He was equally as quiet, and I knew what he was thinking. We both remembered the final minutes of last year's conversation, and he knew me. He thought I hadn't picked up my home phone because I was upset and wouldn't talk to him. Oh, how wrong he was. I took any chance I could get to hear his voice. My guilty pleasure was watching old home videos of the two of us, just to hear its beloved tones.

I was pathetic.

"I'm at Alice's," I explained quickly, unhappy that he was under the wrong impression.

"You actually went out this year?" he teased, but I could hear the relief he was trying to hide.

"God forbid, right?" I replied dryly, secretly enjoying our easy banter. I was relieved that he hadn't brought up last year's incident, but the image of Tanya ate at me. Over the past twelve months, I had formed my own idea of what she looked like—tan, sporty, blond, great figure, perfect hair. The works.

And the complete opposite of me, or anything I could ever hope to be, with my plain brown hair, boring brown eyes and pale skin. I wanted to know how she and Edward were getting along, but was terrified of the answers I might get.

"How in the world did Alice convince you to go over?" Edward asked. He sounded amused.

I grimaced. "Oh, the usual threats of impending doom and twelve hour shopping sprees and all that." No need to mention that the thing which finally convinced me was her promise that Edward wouldn't be coming.

It was also my greatest disappointment.

Edward chuckled. "Sounds like Alice."

"So how did _you_ manage to avoid her?" I accused. I couldn't imagine that Alice would just _allow_ her brother to miss Christmas with his family, and I wondered how he had escaped her…erm, _persuasive_ powers.

It was quiet for a moment. Then he said tersely, "I managed."

His curt words firmly ended any opportunity of an easy conversation and I instantly regretted my own. That was two years now that I had effectively prevented a talk that could have been pain-free and didn't involve emotions that were better hidden deep. Why couldn't I keep my mouth shut?

"You'll have to teach me," I joked weakly and quickly changed the subject. "So, how's your Christmas going?" I prayed that this topic wouldn't provoke any unforeseen reactions.

"Slow," he admitted, and I was relieved that the edge in his voice had vanished. But where was Tanya? And even if she was old news, there was always _some_ girl vying for his attention. He wasn't the kind of guy to go out with just anyone, but I would think no one would want to be alone on Christmas Eve.

I was the exception to that, of course…

"No Tanya?" I blurted without thinking, and mentally cursed myself. I'd been waiting to hear about Tanya all night, but hadn't actually planned on _asking_ him.

I shouldn't be involved with his life. We had no connection to each other anymore and I should have no need to know. Let him do what he wanted.

Edward sounded surprised. "We broke up ten months ago, Bella. If we were even close enough to call it 'breaking up'. I didn't think you'd remember…"

How easily that man could lie. Of course I remembered Tanya; she'd haunted my thoughts for months. And of course he knew I hadn't forgotten.

"I didn't, really." I tried to fib just as casually, but it didn't sound half as convincing. I was sure he could pick out the clear relief in my voice and I didn't care. I knew I'd be embarrassed about that later, but for now the relief was too great.

I'd been troubled for a year, preoccupied by the thought of Edward with…someone else. Despite our obvious separation, I had never really felt distanced from him. It had never felt real to me until I had learned about this other girl, and maybe that was why she bothered me to such a great extent—she made the divorce official, and it hurt more than I cared to admit.

"I see," Edward mused and trailed off into an awkward silence. I struggled futilely to find something to say. I could mention the family, but he had been none too pleased when I'd brought up Alice. I wondered why he seemed so irked by her. They had always seemed close.

To my surprise, he brought it up anyway. "How's Charlotte?" he asked. The affection he had for her was clear in his voice.

"Adorable," I sighed, sympathizing completely with his adoration for the little girl. I chuckled. "Although a bit too similar to Alice for my taste."

He laughed with me. "I was hoping that Jasper would rub off on her, but I guess Alice's influence is just too strong." I could sense no underlying current of displeasure as we joked about Alice, and I wondered what exactly I'd said to upset him before.

"Emmett and Rosalie are here too," I added.

"How are the twins?" Edward asked. "I haven't seen them in, uh…awhile."

My brows furrowed as I noted again that same hesitation. What did he mean by 'awhile'? Why was he so reluctant to speak about his family? The topic seemed harmless enough to me.

"They're…fine." I spoke slowly, trying to puzzle it out. "Alex loves getting into trouble, and James does whatever his brother does. But you probably know that already, right?"

"Of course. They're—five now."

"Four," I corrected lightly.

For once, I could see right through the false assurance that was seeping on the surface of his voice. I didn't press him. He would never admit anything that he didn't want me to know. Instead, I made a note to ask Alice if she knew why Edward was acting like this. My attempt to hide us from her was sort of pointless now that she had seen his name on my phone.

"Four," Edward confirmed and changed the subject. "I still can't believe you're out for Christmas Eve." In a heartbeat he converted back to the lightheartedness. It was the side we were both much more comfortable with.

"Be nice." I feigned offense. "I still can't believe you _aren't_ out."

"I'm hurt. You're not the only one who likes to be alone, you know."

_I never said I like to be alone,_ I thought sadly to myself. The truth was, I didn't. I only liked being alone when I was with him. When I was by myself, I felt empty. Once, I couldn't stand being separated from him for a few minutes, and that was still my definition of alone—being anywhere Edward wasn't. Even if we were only friends now.

Gradually, I was coming to realize that I had never truly let Edward go. Shocker, right? You'd think I'd have noticed by now. The love I felt for him had been disguised for a time, beneath petty insults and the stress that had engulfed me for months, knowing that our marriage was in jeopardy. It had started when Edward's job was threatened while he was trying to finish medical school, at the same time my novel was in the publishing process. We'd been pushed to snapping point, and in the midst of all the obstacles, our love was left behind and forgotten. I ached for the easy days before, when our love was pure and real, the only thing that mattered to us.

I heard a knock at the kitchen door.

"Bella!" Alice called. "Rose and Emmett want to go. Come out now if you want to say good-bye."

I could hear the curiosity burning in her voice and knew that I was going to have to give an in-depth explanation of what was going on once I was off the phone. I sighed, much preferring to stay here with him, even if it meant tiptoeing through our conversation as I tried to avoid offending him further. Anything was better than facing Alice.

"Edward?" I said reluctantly. "I'd better go."

"Oh, I'm sorry Bella. I'm keeping you, aren't I?" Edward apologized. "Have a wonderful Christmas, ok?"

"Yeah," I said quietly. "You too."

He hung up, and right away, I missed the sound of his voice. I slipped the phone into my pocket, thankful that I had to be composed for my friends outside. That thought alone would control the breakdown bubbling beneath the surface.

When I left the kitchen, Alice was waiting for me.

"What in the world are you doing with my brother!" she hissed. "Don't you realize his heart is broken up as it is? Don't make it worse!"

I didn't know what to say. Of all possible reactions, I hadn't expected this one. I was so certain Alice would be begging me for details, assuming that everything was alright between Edward and I again and we could all go back to normal now. But her arms were crossed and she was planted firmly in front of me. I was taken aback by her anger.

"Uh…" I groped for an explanation. "It's nothing Alice, really. We just talk." It was the truth, but I doubted she would believe me.

"What do you mean you 'just talk', Bella?" Alice attacked me again before I could blink. "You broke my brother's heart! You have no right to be 'just talking' to him."

I became frustrated and upset with Lizzie for assuming that _I_ was the one doing the hurting. After all, _he_ was the one who called _me_. He'd started the Christmas calls, and if he wanted to end them, well, more power to him.

"What are you talking about?" I spat back. "What would I want with Edward, Alice? We just talk, ok? Nothing remotely romance-related _at all_. That's over and we both know it!"

Alice's face softened as I ranted. She touched my arm apologetically when I was done. "I'm sorry, Bella ," she said quietly. "That was mean."

"_Yes_. It was," I huffed, but I could feel the bitterness melting. I could never stay angry for long. I sighed and lowered my eyes. "I wouldn't hurt Edward, Alice. You know that."

"Yeah, I do know," Alice murmured, taking my hand and meeting my eyes. "Because you still love him."

I turned from her grasp. "Don't start that, Alice," I said wearily. I wasn't playing this game with her. Heading back towards the living room, I changed the subject before she could protest. "You said Rosalie and Emmett are leaving?"

"Um…" Alice began.

I glared at her. "You did, didn't you?"

The guilty expression on her face confirmed my suspicions that no one was leaving. The ploy had been Alice's means of getting me away from Edward. I shook my head, tired of being mad. It was such an _Alice_ thing to do.

She smiled sheepishly. "I really am sorry," she offered, trying to make amends not only for her little white lie, but for blaming me earlier. I shrugged and squeezed her hand, and then remembered something.

"Alice?" I asked cautiously, hoping my curiosity wouldn't open a new floodgate of questions. "How long has it been since you've seen him?"

Alice looked down. She said nothing for a long moment and I prepared myself for something awful.

"He's refused to see any of us since the divorce," Alice choked. She squeezed her eyes shut and I saw a tear dribble down her cheek.

And now I understood. Edward was avoiding his family because of me.

"Bella," Alice whispered. "I'm sorry. He still loves you, Bella. Please understand that, because I know you love him too."

I shook my head sadly. I knew the truth. If he really loved me, then there would have been no Tanya. I continued on to the living room before she could start chastising me again.

Her assumption was much too close to the truth for my comfort.

At first, right after the divorce, I had been grateful to be rid of the arguments; the frustration, the anger. But that relief faded quickly, gone with the love that Edward had given me, and by the time I realized my mistake, it was too late. Too stubborn and proud for my own good, I pushed myself through the pain every time it hit, simply grateful for what little time he had given me.

It was true that I missed Edward, more than I cared to admit, but I refused to call my feelings for him love. I couldn't admit it, because what would admittance do? Nothing would change.

Sometimes, though, at night, when I was almost unconscious and barely aware of my own thoughts, I would wish that things had been different and Edward really did still love me.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Edited as of December 24, 2010. FYI, this is also posted on my fictionpress account under the same title (Just didn't want anyone to think there was any plagerizing going on, because I've seen a lot of that lately)

**

* * *

**

_**Oh, I know I could say we're through  
And tell myself I'm over you  
But even if I made a vow  
A promise not to miss you now  
And try to hide the truth inside  
I'd fail cause I, I just can't live a lie**_

_**-Carrie Underwood,  
I Just Can't Live a Lie**_

**Calls for Christmas**

**Chapter Three**

**One Year Later/Christmas Eve**

I dozed against the soft cushions of the couch that had belonged to both Edward and I once, and listened to the outdated stereo currently playing a soft rendition of _Silent Night. _Edward used to sing along to this one, I remembered.

My obsession was dangerous. Because of my inability to forget and move on, I wasn't going to Alice's house this year. The only excuse I could offer myself was that this behavior was a once-a-year occurrence on Christmas Eve. The rest of the year I could actually behave like a normal person, enjoy the company of my friends, concentrate on work, and of course my editor kept me constantly on my toes, especially now that my writing was starting to get recognized.

I was a good girl. I was allowed to be miserable one day a year.

Even if it was on the one day when I should have been happiest.

Christmas had always seemed like such a magical season to me, and the years I spent it with Edward were the best. He grudgingly accepted my aversion to gifts—particularly expensive ones—and he would always manage to surprise me with his increasingly unique homemade presents. My favorite would always be the scarf that he'd _attempted_ to knit for me, which I'd mistaken for a hat when I first opened it. I loved it anyway, because Edward had put so much effort into making it and had been so pleased with it. My other favorite was the homemade CD that contained his own piano compositions, including the lullaby he'd written for me when we first met.

I picked at my sleeve and stared at the Christmas tree in front of me. I'd just finished decorating its fake, plastic branches, and its lights and ornaments glittered in a sharp contrast to my mood.

The phone rang, just like I knew it would. I had come to expect that Edward would always call, no matter what had occurred the previous year. The knowledge squeezed my heart with a small warmth, but it did nothing to ease the pain completely. It was worse this year now that the heartache was coupled with guilt. I felt horrible, knowing that it was my fault Alice hadn't seen her brother in years.

I still picked up the phone quickly after only two rings.

"Hello Bella." His beloved voice greeted me cheerfully. I could sense no false pretenses in his tone and I guessed that he was working hard to make this year's conversation a pleasant one. But underneath that, I also felt that he was genuinely pleased to hear from me.

"Hey, Edward," I answered, unable to keep the smile from my voice. This was what our talks had been lacking—that easy, carefree way we could be with each other. I automatically relaxed, curling my toes and snuggling into the sofa, warmth gushing through me at the prospect of talking with Edward far into the night.

"Alone this year?" he asked casually.

"Yeah," I admitted with a grimace, recalling last year's episode. "One year of _that _was enough." I wasn't entirely decided on what I was talking about—Alice and her family, or Edward and I.

"God forbid you be caught _socializing_," he agreed.

I rolled my eyes. My lack of social abilities was one more thing Edward used to have mountains of fun teasing me about, once upon a time in a land far, far away, when things were still…right.

"So I take it this _isn't_ socializing?" I asked dryly, referring to our current conversation.

"This doesn't count. It's just me."

There was silence for a long moment after his statement, as I tried to discern what he meant by it. Granted, we _were_ close for being a divorced couple, but his words had implied something different, and I couldn't place it. I settled on changing the subject so that I could reply before he thought I'd lost interest. He beat me to it, though.

"Any cookies?" he asked teasingly. He sounded slightly uncomfortable, as if he'd realized the mistake in his words.

I rolled my eyes. "I gave up on that whole operation years ago. I'd prefer it if I _didn't_ burn my house to the ground, thanks." The same house that we had shared for four years. It was one of the last things I had of him. One of the last things that had been _ours_.

Edward laughed. "You know, it_ is_ Christmas Eve. Aren't you doing _anything_ fun?"

_Talking to you_. But I sighed.

"I just finished decorating my Christmas tree," I told him defiantly. I could have fun on my own. I _would_ have fun on my own. I didn't need him. That part of my life was over, and I had to convince myself that it was for the better. I couldn't pine after something so impossibly far from my reach.

"I see," Edward said slowly. It was clear from his tone that decorating a Christmas tree all alone did _not_ constitute as fun in his book, but he didn't press me. Instead, he asked, "Still get your tree from Jones' Tree Farm?"

My throat closed up immediately. Jones' Tree Farm was a little family owned Christmas tree farm where Edward and I used to cut down our own tree. We'd made it a point to go every year of our marriage, and even before that.

_So many memories_…

My heart clenched as they flowed unbidden.

_-Flashback-_

"_Bella," Edward whined playfully. "Can't we just pick one and leave?" _

"_Nope," I replied, looking back at him. He was bundled up in a jacket, gloves and scarf, and was glaring at the gray sky, which was beginning to leak precipitation in my favorite form—beautiful, crystalline snow-flakes. He trudged miserably through the white fluff after me, swinging the old-fashioned hand saw from side to side. Even in his current state of gloom, his beauty still took my breath away. Our eyes caught and I blushed. How could he still have this affect on me? It had been years since the day we met, but he still only had to turn those brilliant emerald orbs on me to get me blushing like crazy._

_I giggled and dashed off before he could catch the red on my cheeks, and I heard him laughing right behind me. I glanced back again and noted the saw still in his hands._

"_You shouldn't run with a saw in your hands," I chided him._

_I saw his eyes widen in alarm and was surprised that he was heeding my advice. Then I barely registered the fir tree directly in my path before I crashed into it and was knocked to the ground. The breath went out of me with a whoosh. I lay still in the snow for a moment, stunned._

_Edward was at my side and on his knees immediately. "Bella!" he fretted as he helped me sit up. He ran his hands up my arms and I rolled my eyes, hiding my embarrassment behind irritation._

"_I'm fine," I muttered. _

_Ignoring my protests, Edward cradled me in his arms and kissed my forehead, before pulling us both to our feet. I noticed the hand saw a few feet away, where he had dropped it in his haste to get to me. He followed my gaze and smirked when he realized what I was looking at._

"_Maybe _I_ shouldn't run with a saw," he allowed. "But _you_ shouldn't run at all."_

_I looked up at him with a sharp retort on my lips, but when our eyes met all I could do was smile sheepishly. He laughed and pulled me in for a kiss._

…

"_It's perfect," I breathed, gazing up in awe at the magnificent tree that Edward had discovered growing in a hidden alcove in the farthest corner of the farm. It was huge and round, perfectly proportioned on all sides. I circled it in wonder, imagining our ornaments draped from its full branches. _

_Edward rubbed the back of his neck. "It looks a little big to me," he noted skeptically. "Will it fit in the living room?"_

_I swatted his chest. "Grinch," I accused. _

_He grinned and walked away._

"_Edward!" I complained, scrambling after him. I grabbed his hand and looked right into his eyes. "_Please_." _

_I knew I was cheating; he couldn't resist me when I pleaded like that. It made the game completely unfair._

"_Cheater," Edward growled. _

_I just grinned. _

"_Please?"_

_He groaned in submission. "Bella, you are the most dangerous woman I've ever met." _

_I blushed. He sighed and brushed his hand across my cheek. I shivered at his touch and peered into his eyes. The mood instantly changed, evolving into electricity and tenderness and love. He gazed back at me adoringly and in his eyes I saw all that he could not speak. He loved me; I was his world. I felt choked up, so blessed that this beautiful soul had been chosen for me._

_I found myself hopelessly lost in the moment. Who cared about Christmas trees anyway? Edward's eyes were green too, and round and lovely and penetrating. They dazzled me utterly and completely. _

_Ha. "And you accuse _me_ of dazzling _you_." I murmured, reaching up to stroke his cheek._

"_You _do_ dazzle me, sweetheart." His voice was soft and low and I lost myself in the sound. We abandoned ourselves to each other, wrapped in a warm embrace, simply gazing into the other's eyes with every particle of love we could muster._

"_Fine," he sighed, breaking the spell. "We'll get that damned tree." _

_I smirked and he tugged me along back to my tree. We stared up at it and I had to agree with him. It _was_ pretty big. I wondered if Edward was right after all, and there was no way a tree of that height would fit in our living room. _

_But he would be so, terribly smug if we got all the way home only to discover that the tree was much too large to squeeze into our tiny house, and a few more hours of defeat wouldn't kill him. I bit back the urge to giggle._

_Edward caught my amused expression. "What?"_

"_Nothing." I smiled sweetly. "Are you going to cut down that tree now?"_

_Edward rolled his eyes. "Anything for you," he muttered sarcastically, but I knew that a part of him spoke the words sincerely—he _would_ do anything for me, and I loved him with all my heart for it._

…

_Much to Edward's chagrin, the tree managed to fit into our house, even if its tip did scrape the ceiling. Unfortunately for me, the height posed an unforeseen dilemma. _

_I stretched on my tiptoes as I attempted in vain to get the ornament in my hand to dangle from one of the loftier bows. The sheer height of the tree had seemed magical enough outside, but my 5''3 wouldn't allow me to reach the peak branches. I was leaning into the tree now, and in danger of toppling. I had to hop a little on one foot to get my balance._

_I felt a set of hands wrap around my waist, steadying me. I squeaked in surprise before I heard a voice at my ear._

"_Are we having trouble?" Edward asked in amusement, his breath tickling my skin. I squirmed in his arms. He just laughed and tightened his grip on me. He was so _strong_ and I couldn't get away. _

"_You know," Edward teased. "I was all for a shorter tree." He sounded unbearably smug._

"_Know-it-all," I muttered._

"_You didn't let me finish," he continued, his voice never losing the smugness. He let the bait sit there until my curiosity got the better of me. I hated it when he did that._

"_Oh?" I pressed reluctantly._

"_Yes," he answered. "Before I was so rudely interrupted,"—I turned my head and stuck my tongue out at him—"I was saying that, while I would have preferred a smaller tree, a taller one means I get to do this." And he lifted me easily up into the air. I squealed._

"_That tickles," I complained, laughing. Edward always knew how to shatter my anger with tenderness. _

_The extra altitude granted me much better access to the top branches, and I fiddled with the ornament until it was to my liking. When I was done, Edward placed me on my feet gently, but didn't release me._

"_Better?" he murmured, and kissed my neck. _

_I leaned into him and closed my eyes, turning to rest my cheek on his chest. He kissed up my neck to my face, planting his angel lips on my nose and making me giggle before his mouth found mine. I sighed at the contact and pressed closer, twisting slowly to face him. _

_Oh, I loved him. My heart was bursting with it._

"_Thank you," I said breathlessly when we unwillingly pulled apart._

"_Anytime," Edward murmured. He led me to the couch and sat me beside him. I cuddled into his side and spent an immeasurable amount of time lying blissfully in his arms, with the fire crackling and the Christmas tree in the corner, certain that there was no greater happiness than this._

_-End Flashback-_

So many memories.

So many recollections that I thought I would one day look back upon with happiness. Instead, they twisted my heart, clenching and manipulating until the joy's only parting gift was the agony left behind in its wake—the same way Edward had left me behind to writhe in the torture of a fate I wanted no part in.

I wished the tears could escape my eyes and sweep away the sorrow, unhindered. But Edward was trying so hard to make this night a good one for _me_, and so I had to try as well, for _him_. He was waiting for my answer and I pushed back the pain to give it to him.

"No, I don't go to Jones' Tree Farm anymore." Even I could hear the regret in my voice, and of course he was too perceptive for me to hope that he might miss the sadness as I spoke.

"Oh," was all he said. After a moment of awkward silence, he asked, "Where do you get it then?"

I winced and bit my lip, wishing I had some better answer for him. I knew my reply would reveal, quite obviously, that he was still hurting me, and that the pain of our separation was still cutting away at my heart. I didn't want to make him suffer that. He didn't need to know. Still, he would see through any lie I managed to conjure. Despite our years of separation, I knew he could still read my voice better than anyone else, including myself—even across the phone lines.

"Actually, I have a fake one," I admitted, scrunching my eyes shut.

"Ah. I see." His voice was impassive, and I wondered how much pain he was concealing beneath the veneer.

"I just don't have a lot of time anymore." I tried to excuse myself. "And it was easier to have the fake one, you know?"

"Mmhmm, I know," Edward murmured distantly, and my heart fell. The night was being ruined once again, and it was all my fault—once again.

"Edward," I began. I was frustrated by the awkwardness that existed between us. Why couldn't we just be friends? As I thought about it, I realized it was his fault as much as mine. Allowing himself to be _bothered_ by my inconsequential plastic Christmas tree. Good grief. He shouldn't care…just like I shouldn't care.

"Yes, Bella?" He asked wearily, like he knew exactly what I was going to say. But the sad tone in his voice broke my resolve, and the words vanished.

They were replaced by an urge to comfort him, and I said, "I'm glad you called." Even if it wasn't what I had wanted to say, I meant this with all my heart.

Edward understood. "Good," he said with relief. "Because I like calling you."

My heart swelled. Edward was never anything but sincere, and I could always tell when he was lying, because he wouldn't speak with that customary assurance.

But this…I knew he was being honest in this. He liked to call me. He liked talking to me. His words almost sent me to forbidden depths; I almost began to hope…almost. But I pulled myself from the brink at the last moment, knowing that I would only suffer from more pain later. The hope just wasn't worth that pain, worse than any physical blow, and I had to look at this logically. Just because Edward wanted to talk to me didn't mean he wanted to _be_ with me.

But it was enough for now, and I grinned. "Thank you," I said breathlessly.

"Anytime," he murmured.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N - Thank you for the reviews!! Sorry I didn't reply to any reviews for this story, I just don't have much time. You would rather I spend what free time I do have writing right? Lol. Anyway, so I was a little uncertain about how I was going to write this last chapter, but once I actually started writing it, I fell in love with it. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did. :D**

**p.s. I was on youtube the other day and I was listening to I Can't Live a Lie by Carrie Underwood and I realized how perfectly it fit this story. I was going to try to incorporate it into this chapter, but it didn't work out. Still, go listen to it, it's a great song! :)**

**Disclaimer - I don't own Twilight**

* * *

Calls for Christmas

Chapter Four

One Year Later/Christmas Eve

I had cut down a live tree this year, so that if Edward asked I could tell him. I doubted I could stand that bitter sorrow he had expressed last year a second time. I needed him to be happy, because his happiness constituted my own joy. It was almost ironic how he could still influence me from the other side of the country. New York City seemed a world away from my own tiny residence in Forks, but he still seemed capable of reaching out across space and time to pull at the strings of my heart.

"Edward," I whimpered sadly without bothering to stop the onslaught of pain that enveloped me. I had given myself up to the misery this year. A small part of me rationalized that it was still only on Christmas Eve, but in reality I simply didn't care anymore. My yearning for Edward had become an unbearable, physical ache, and after a year of shoving it down, I had to give myself up to the agony.

I shivered from my spot on the sofa and curled my body closer in on itself. It was below zero degrees outside and my heater was broken. Presently I was wrapped up in two thick afghans, but even they didn't suffice. To add to my oh so joyous night, I'd angrily slammed my fist into the wall next to the thermostat when I made the unfortunate 'no heat' discovery. Now my fingers were bruised and aching.

All it did was tear my heart up a little more as I imagined Edward's amused chuckle if he'd seen me do it.

Is this what it had come to then? My pathetic excuse for a life centered around a single day of the year, and I clung to the hope of Edward's voice with boundless anticipation, bordering on obsession. I knew it was dangerous, but I couldn't bring myself to let go of the last small part of him that belonged to me.

I began to meander reverently through the copy of _Romeo and Juliet_ in my lap, careful not to twist my bruised fist. It had a worn cover and several pages were doggy-eared; it was well loved. I slowly opened to the very first page in the book, knowing exactly what I would find. Brushing my eyelids to prevent tears, I read the inscription:

_To My Angel,_

_Bella_

_The light of my life_

_The reason for my existence_

_I would die without you, my love_

_Happy Anniversary,_

_Edward_

I released a strangled sob. I treasured those words with all my heart. I kept the book locked safely in a case beneath a mound of underwear in my dresser. Sometimes, when I was weary and grief-ridden and wanted to escape from the dreary, monotonous pattern that I called my life, I would slip it from its hiding place. I would stare at Edward's words like they were a promise of some hidden secret, a happy ending that could still be ours, concealed from me until now. Hidden promises and false hopes were all I had left anymore, and in my blind grief I grasped at whatever I could purchase a hold on.

I sadly drew a loving hand over Edward's message and held onto the book tightly. Sometimes, if I didn't think to hard, I could imagine that those words still rang true. It was so hard for me to accept that the love we had had was lost in an abyss that I couldn't breach without Edward to guide me. What had happened to those carefree moments, the affectionate touches, the loving gestures?

It had all still been very much alive the day Edward gave me the book. I remembered it so well, as I could still recall with perfect clarity all the tender moments Edward and I had shared…

_-Flashback-_

_We were cuddled up together on the couch after the most wonderful dinner at my favorite restaurant, La Bella Italia. Usually I enjoyed a night out with Edward, but tonight all I had wanted was to be home, alone with him. And now he was putting me through this torture._

"_Edward, no more presents, _please_," I whined, more for show than in actual complaint. I'd given up beating Edward at this game long ago. Somehow or another, he continued to sneak around my order that he wasn't to give me presents for our anniversary. He had already skirted the rule twice, with dinner and a diamond necklace that even I had to admit was beautiful. But it was getting a little ridiculous. What else could he possibly give me? I didn't need anything but his heart. _

_Edward smiled patiently, obviously anticipating my inevitable reaction. "Bella, I bought this with money that belonged to me. You are my wife; therefore, what's mine is yours. Technically love, you bought this for yourself." He smiled widely at his teasing logic. "And besides," he added. "You'll love it."_

_I sighed and looked down at the inoffensive little rectangle sitting on my lap. "Fine," I huffed. "But if you _ever_ do this again—"_

"_Don't be melodramatic, love," Edward cut me off, kissing my cheek. "Now open it," he commanded._

_I rolled my eyes. "You're so _pushy_," I huffed._

"_I love you too," he responded with a crooked smile; the one he knew I couldn't resist. I melted instantly and reluctantly started pulling at the wrapping paper. When the beautiful copy of _Romeo and Juliet_ was free from its confines, my lips stretched into a small smile, and I felt a little choked up. Of course Edward would have noticed how battered my own copy of _Romeo and Juliet_ was, and he knew that it was my favorite classic, whatever his distaste of it was._

_Edward noticed my smile and he grinned crookedly in response. "I figured if I can't stop you from reading it…over and over and over – " he nudged me, "— then I don't have to watch you flip through that poor excuse for a book that you have right now."_

"_Hey! Be nice to my books," I complained. Edward's eyes sparkled, unrepentant._

"_Look at the inside of the cover," he urged eagerly, ignoring me._

_I raised an eyebrow but did as he asked. My gaze landed on a message, written out in Edward's unmistakable lacey script. I read it slowly once, twice, and then again. _

"_Oh Edward," I whispered, unable to stop the tears this time. I ran the tips of my left hand fingers over the inscription. Edward's fingers joined me after a moment and he laced them through mine, bringing my hand to his lips and kissing each of my fingers lovingly before kissing the wedding ring on my ring finger. I sniffled. _

"_It's not fair." I sighed._

"_What's not fair love?" Edward asked, closing his eyes and holding my hand to his cheek. He inhaled deeply. He looked so beautiful, and I almost forgot what I'd been saying as I admired him._

"_It's just…you do all this for me," I motioned to the book and the diamonds around my neck. "And I had no idea what to get you and—" _

_Edward cut me off swiftly, kissing my lips. "Oh, my Bella," he murmured, gazing at me solemnly with those emerald eyes. "Don't you see? You have given me you. That was already more than I asked for, and certainly more than I deserved. You owe me nothing, love." And he smiled crookedly._

_I cuddled closer to him, trying not to let any space intrude the privacy of the moment. I pressed my face against his chest and breathed in the scent of him. One of his arms wrapped around me, bringing me onto his lap. His other hand lifted my chin so he could look into my face._

"_Don't hide from me, love."_

"_I love you," I whispered back, touching his face. _

_And we kissed._

_-End of Flashback-_

I buried my face in my hands and cried.

………_._

The phone still hadn't rung. My gaze flashed between the portable phone on the arm of the couch, the cell phone in my lap, and the book in my hand. I was trying to read, eager to attempt any method that would prevent the dread creeping up on me. It was nine thirty and Edward never called this late. Why wasn't he calling?

I didn't want to consider the possibility that he might not call at all, but as ten o'clock rolled around, I didn't know what to think. I contemplated calling him myself, but I was afraid that if he didn't pick up then my suspicions would be confirmed that he wasn't going to call at all.

Ten thirty. I was scared now. I moved to pace the kitchen, my eyes fixed on the phone resting on the counter, willing it to ring. In my panic, I resorted to biting my nails, a habit I had deserted years ago. When I finally stopped to consider my actions, I finally realized just how dangerous my obsession was. Literally, I couldn't live without him. I would have given up years ago, but I had to keep going, I had to live through one more year so that I could hear his voice.

Ten forty five. Fingers shaking, I reached for the phone. I had to do something, because the frantic twitching and pacing was getting me no where. I dialed the numbers that I knew by heart but had never had to punch into the keypad. I lifted the phone shakily to my ear.

_Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring_

No one picked up. All I got was an answering machine, and I resorted to listening to it only to hear his voice. He apologetically stated that he was not home and to leave a message. Not bothering to say anything after the beep, I slammed the phone down with a cry, my last shred of hope gone.

The tears flowed fast now and I was powerless to stop them. I rocked back and forth, clutching _Romeo and Juliet_ against my chest. "Edward," I sobbed. "Edward, I love you. Don't go. Please…please…" But no amount of pleading would bring him back to me. It was all over this time. Really, truly all over. I collapsed on the kitchen floor, my cheek pressed against the cold tile, crying into the book.

Eleven o three.

The doorbell rang.

Crap. I froze in dismay. I really didn't need Alice or Rosalie or anyone else seeing me like this right now. They didn't need to know. I could be a big girl. I could deal with this on my own.

Wiping my eyes, I hastily got to my feet, choking back more sobs. In my hurry, my legs got tangled and I fell back to the floor. I heard Edward's amused chuckle in my head, but I pushed that thought down. No more. _No more_. If he was determined to leave me behind, then I would leave him behind too.

I swiped a few fingers through my matted hair and rubbed my eyes one more time before deciding that it was as good as it was going to get. Abandoning my book on the couch as I passed it on my way through the living room, I headed towards the door. Dreading whatever confrontation I was about to deal with, I opened it.

And froze.

And took a step forward. "Oh my god," I whispered, all my reactions completely reflexive now, because my brain had switched off. But I knew him. Still, after all these years, I _knew him_. The same tall, muscular body, the same messy bronze hair that couldn't stay in place no matter how long he combed it, the same emerald eyes that could speak more with a glance than any sentence uttered, the same emerald eyes that dazzled me, the same emerald eyes that I had fallen in love with.

Edward stuffed his hands in his jacket pockets. "Hello Bella," he said quietly. I didn't know what to think or say or do. My mind hadn't caught up with what was happening yet.

"If this is a bad time," Edward started to say, but I shook my head quickly. No matter what else I was uncertain of, like _why he was here_, and _what he was thinking, _there was one thing I knew for a fact and it was that I didn't want him to leave.

I stepped aside to offer him entry, still not saying a word. He gave a puzzled glance and slid past me. I followed.

"Wow, Bella…the place looks great," Edward said, attempting to fill the awkward silence with small talk.

That snapped me out of it, because 'the place' hadn't changed much since he'd last seen it, and I suddenly found that particular fact hilarious, because I started to laugh…no…not _laugh _exactly…chortle. Insanely. Because, now that I thought about it, I realized that I had been maybe one minute from true insanity in every literal sense of the word just before he arrived. And then, with perfect timing—because really, everything he did was perfect—he stepped in and saved me.

"Bella?" Edward asked in puzzlement, coming forward and gripping my arms. I let out a strangled sob, because I remembered his touch along with everything else about him, and the crying was added to the…chortling.

"Bella!" Edward said again, alarmed now. I felt myself collapse against him, and I leaned all my weight into his body, letting him hold me up.

"Edward…_Edward_," I moaned, crying.

"What's gotten in to you?" Edward shook me a little and I noted the concern and panic in his eyes as he tried to figure out what was going on.

Then it hit me. He was actually here. Standing in a place I never expected to see him in again, his arms wrapped tightly around me. Gazing at me with concern etched in every one of his features.

And I was crying my heart out without knowing anything about what was going on.

My eyes widened and my cheeks turned bright red with heat. I disentangled myself from his arms and backed up and few steps until I hit the arm of the couch. I looked everywhere but his eyes, appalled with myself. What would he think of me now? I wrapped my arms around my body, my eyes still wandering.

"Um…hi Edward," I mumbled, my face still flaming red. I vaguely realized that my legs were shaking and wondered why.

Edward looked relieved. "Well, at least I know you can talk."

Humiliated, I didn't respond.

Edward ran a hand through his hair. "My god Bella, don't scare me like that! What in the world were you thinking?" He laughed humorlessly. "I was two seconds away from calling 911, you know. Sheesh! I've never seen you spaz like that!"

He babbled on and I listened in confusion until I realized that he was scared stiff. Frowning, I took a hesitant step forward and Edward stopped talking. He watched me warily, probably anticipating another outburst.

But I said nothing, only reaching up to touch his face. I wanted him to relax. I didn't want him to be afraid anymore.

"I'm sorry," I murmured. "I'm ok now." More than ok, now that he was with me. "I was just…a little surprised to see you, that's all." Embarrassed, I quickly removed my hand and looked down at me feet.

"Only a little?" Edward drawled; a poor attempt at humor. But he sounded like he was trying to conceal disappointment, and I wondered why. Was he upset because he could see that I hadn't moved on? My throat closed at the thought.

I cleared my throat so that I could speak without giving myself away. "Um…would you like something to drink?" I asked, turning towards the kitchen.

He caught my arm. "Actually…well I was going to postpone what I came here to do for as long as possible, but after _that_—," I knew he was referring to my little 'spaz' episode, "—I think I'd better just tell you." He sighed and lifted my chin to look me in the eyes. "Because you're hurting as much as I am, aren't you," he guessed quietly. I stared at him with wide eyes, not willing to hope that he was actually saying what I thought he was.

Edward continued in that same quiet voice, never breaking my gaze. "Bella, I just wanted to say that I was a fool for thinking being separated from you would do me any good. It's done the exact opposite. I can't handle anything anymore, Bella. Not work, not people, not anything. You're all I think about. I got fired last month, and did you know that I haven't seen my family in seven years because I knew that they would only remind me of you?" I started to say something, but he put a finger to my lips. "I—I love you Bella. I mean that. I never stopped. I was such an idiot to think…" He shook his head. "If you don't want me Bella, I promise that I won't contest you're decision. I've behaved atrociously towards you, and I don't deserve your forgiveness. I know that. But please—consider it. I want you back Bella. I love you."

His green eyes penetrated me and I couldn't think. But I found my voice, finally.

"My books," I said slowly. He looked at me in confusion and I elaborated. "You said you would throw out my books if I didn't go to that stupid business party of yours." And I smiled sheepishly.

Understanding dawned in Edward's eyes and slowly, painstakingly slowly, the crooked smile that I loved lit up his face.

"You're going to have to give me that smile every day for the rest of my life if you want me to forgive you," I informed him smartly, rocking back and forth on my heels like a little girl sweet-talking her father into giving her a puppy.

"It's a deal." Edward promised.

Then he threw back his head and laughed joyously. He took me in his arms and lifted me off the ground, twirling us around in a circle. I giggled and locked my arms around his neck with no intention of ever letting go. I felt tears seep from my eyes, but they were happy ones this time, because finally, after seven long years, I was home.

Edward set me back on my feet at last, but never released his grip on me. I buried my face in his chest and inhaled his sweet scent.

"Don't hide from me, love."

I shivered at the sound of the endearment that I had missed for so long.

"I love you," I whispered back, touching his face.

And we kissed.

* * *

**A/N - Ok...before anyone kills me, let me explain. First of all, there were a couple of you who wanted Bella to be the strong one who went to find Edward. I always like fics where Bella is the strong one, and in my next story that_ is_ going to be the case, but in this story it was never happening. I had this ending planned out since the beginning. I always imagined this Bella as a bit of a New Moon Bella, who was lost without Edward. She did handle it a little differently of course, because she didn't realize that losing Edward would break her heart until it was too late. She tried to stay strong, acting normal around her friends, but after years of pent up emotion and then finding out that Edward wasn't calling, it was too much, and her reaction became a New Moon Bella reaction, where she started going crazy because she just couldn't handle it. So...yeah. Please no flames. I was actually very pleased with this chapter. :)**

**Anyway...thanks to all of my readers!! I really, really appreciate it!! :D**

**I'm posting a new story now (a long one this time, haha), called _Music in Vienna._ I just postd the first chapter, so please go check it out. I really like how it looks so far. It takes place in Vienna, Austria (duh), and has a bit more to it than _just_ a love story. Please read and review! I'd appreciate muchly! :p**

**Tootles!**


End file.
